Sex with Akiva

Akiva Hort, Artistic Director and Kvasir Contributor

The Juniatian: What do you think about kinks that would be unethical were they not consensual?

Akiva: Just the presence of consent does not absolve social factors that play into the unethicalness of those kinks. Violence against women is always a thing. If your partner is a man wanting to hit his female partner, it is always a thing that needs to be reflected upon, even if the woman is enjoying it. Just because it’s a kink and just because it’s consensual doesn’t mean you’re absolved from guilt—but it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing something wrong, either. It’s important to be open to all the different things that go into the building of your kink and analyze what you’re doing and if you’re truly being safe both physically and emotionally.


The Juniatian: What should we know about birth control?

Akiva: There’s so many different options! There are different pills, including pills that have very low dosage and give very little side effects. There’s birth control that makes you skip your period. There are implants that you don’t have to change out for three years, or IUDs both copper and hormonal if you don’t like the idea of hormones going into your body. There’s the patch, and there’s shots. There are so many methods you can use, so please use it. Don’t get pregnant!


The Juniatian: Do you think permanent sterilization should be more accessible?

Akiva: I think that there should be a more open line of communication between physicians and their patients about what their options could be, because there are options like the IUD and the implant that are long term and effective that have minimal side effects, so I think ideally young people would get those. But if sterilization is available to testes-having people, it should be available to uterus-having people. This is without going into at all the problematic past that sterilization has with the African-American community.

I also think that there have been cases where hysterectomy or something similar has been recommended for people with conditions like endometriosis and other reproductive issues, including infertile and sterilized people, and they have been denied access to those procedures. I think in medical cases, where it would be beneficial for a person to elect to have their bits removed, they should be able to do that.


The Juniatian: How do I avoid gender dysphoria in the bedroom?

Akiva: One thing that helps me is wearing baggy clothing while having sex. Having non-penetrative sex is also an option. Some people use strap-ons. I also personally am a big advocate for people with gender dysphoria—if they have a partner they can trust—to do body worship, which is a kink that is exactly what it sounds like. It can involve speaking, it can involve kissing every part of your partner’s body, it can involve massage, it can involve taking sexual pictures. To have a person you love and are attracted to recognize each and every part of you, showing you that it can be an object of pleasure, or even just saying that it’s good, can be really helpful. I also think it’s totally acceptable to throw on a baggy tee shirt and just bang it out.


The Juniatian: How do you make up for having inadequate sex education?

Akiva: First, go on Click around, just see what you see for a little bit. Then I would advise to read everything you can find about sex for the next couple weeks and see what you can see. Then, take that, go back the Planned Parenthood website, and clarify.

In reality, I think it’s really important to talk about it and to read about sexual safety. Focusing on integrating sex work and queer sex in sexual health talks, particularly from women and people with uteruses is important to integrate with what you already know. And just be open to challenging your own ideas and realizing why you think certain things are important.